How do you stop a fight before it begins? The truth is that fights can be avoided in our marriages. However, some of us may have concluded that it always has to be a fight. Sometimes we don’t even know what we are fighting about. Often, we want to be heard, and we want to be right most of the time.
I don’t remember the last time my husband and I had a BIG fight. The truth is we have learned what it takes not always to fight. But it wasn’t always this way. During the first years of our marriage, we, like most couples, had our moments when we give each other silent treatment. As sometimes, I have even had to block his number on my phone (how silly some of the things we do), I will be sharing with you things I have learned and things you can learn to do to stop a fight before it begins your marriage.
Apologize more often.
I cannot tell you how much saying sorry can do to your marriage. You see, I was not always the girl who knew how to apologize. “I am sorry” was not found in one of my vocabularies. Nonetheless, I had to learn that to live a happier and fruitful life, not only in marriage but in all areas of my life, including my work, I had to embrace the change and learn to apologize often. Once I embraced the change, it helped me stay out of trouble and stay out of an argument in my marriage.
Give each other grace.
I have come to understand that none of us is perfect and we all err and fall short. Paul put it this way, “I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do, I do not do, but what I hate I do.” Romans 7:15 Not that we always want to fall short, but we can’t help it at times. Grace is unmerited favor from God. We don’t deserve it, but He gives us grace every day, and the only thing you can do is give it back to your spouse. When they apologize, or even when they don’t, give them some grace.
Take the wrong- Forgive often.
Argument/ fight stems from the place of being right or thinking you should be right. One question we ask ourselves is, “Do I want to be right, or do I want to be blessed” as I said earlier, you do not have to wait for your spouse to apologize before you can give them grace and forgive. The Bible says that we should not let the sun go down while we are still angry and do not give the devil a foothold. Eph 4:26-27. We will be winning against God if we do not forgive. Forgiveness comes with blessings. If you take the wrong and let go, when you pray, your prayers will be answered.
Lower your Expectations
Finally, lowering your expectation in your marriage will really bless you real well. “Trust me” We come into our marriages with so many expectations from our spouses. These expectations could come from what we may have been told, what we have learned or seen from marriages, or even the media. So, when we get married, we somehow expect that our spouse becomes what we expect them to be. We expect that they have to act like so and so. And this can really bring a lot of arguments in your marriage because your spouse is not so and so.
“Expectations cause needless aggravation. Aggravation causes disappointments, which lead to frustration and arguments. Arguments lead to bitterness and strife, which lead to a strained relationship. A strained relationship endangers fellowship… When the fellowship is endangered, you jeopardize your marriage. True love expects nothing in return”. Myles Munroe.
Your spouse is your spouse, and the earlier you understand that you cannot expect them to be someone else, the better you can have a fight-free marriage and give them the grace to learn from their shortcomings.
The truth is we cannot do these things by our own power. We need to ask the holy spirit to help us to fight free marriage. I pray today that the God of Peace, the Prince of Peace, will give you peace in your marriage if there be any struggle, lack of a better word- fight, argument, unforgiveness, bitterness that He will remove all these and replace them with his Peace and let the love that you both had been rekindled in Jesus name Amen.