It can be challenging to trust again when someone betrays you, especially when it is someone dear to you or someone you love, but it can be possible to trust again after being hurt. Let’s consider the scripture and look at some practical examples that will help you build trust.
Jesus was the perfect example in the bible. Jesus being God knew Peter was going to deny him. Yet Jesus made room for Peter and still asked Peter to feed his flock if he loved him. Jesus was more focused on his future than his past.
“But when the power of the holy spirit came upon Peter, he became a transformed man.” Act 4:8, defending the same man he betrayed.
Things happen that can cause you to avert the trust you have in people. However, you need to learn to look beyond people and look unto God and know that God can transform and change people.
But what I am not going to subscribe to is for you to trust blindly. But the truth is that people will hurt you, and you may even hurt people along the way too.
I want to share with you some practical steps/ways to rebuild trust in your relationships.
Communicate your thoughts
You have to communicate your fears, what has happened, grieve together, open up, pour out your heart and tell that person how you feel. Instead of bottling it in your heart, you should communicate those thoughts and fears. And when you do, if you see genuine repentance or sincere confession, give them room to say what they want to say. That will help you to forgive. Jesus said, “when people wrong you, we ought to forgive them seventy times seven times.
Forgive them.
Forgiveness is crucial in rebuilding trust in your relationships. I am not taking this lightly because I may not know what your experiences may have been, but one thing I know is that forgiveness is not for the offender but the person who was offended. When you let go, it can give room for love to grow in your heart. Letting go doesn’t mean that you are not hurt, but it is a way to release yourself and the offender from your (prison).
Connect again
We can’t say we have forgiven someone and still put barriers and walls that will make it difficult for us to connect. The only way to prove this is to try connecting again. If you decide to open up communication with the person, give it time, watch out for things, and see how things go, and as things begin to open up, you will see that connection will start to come back alive.
Have a Written Agreement
It is crucial to have an agreement, don’t just say, “oh, I have forgiven you, or yes, you did what you did, I forgive you, it’s ok,” No, don’t do that, they may forget. If it’s a business partner or somebody you know, a business partner may be a friend, not like a couple; I will encourage you to have a written agreement. You can have that guide you. If it’s your fiancee or your spouse, it’s ok to sit down with them and have a real discussion to talk things over.
Be Positive about the future.
Something happened the other day with my kids, and they felt so bad. I am sure they didn’t mean to do what they did. They were remorseful about what happened. The next day, I learned that they were relating to me, thinking about what they did yesterday. May be hoping not to offend me again. When I looked at their countenance, I told them that I had forgiven them, and I would like them to be positive. I said to them I do not want them to think about it, and let’s not try to use that as a pace to how we are going to start our day. So, you can give room for the other person by being positive.
I wish your offender well.
One way you can help people get back and regain their trust is to be positive about them. That will go a long way to assisting them in becoming the people they ought to be. I remember a story about somebody who was a criminal. One day he went to church, and people looked at him like this criminal. Why is he in the church today? And guess what! He was called upon to come and bless the offering or receive the offering. He was the one collecting the offering.
Ordinary, he usually will be the one to grab the offering to escape, but this time, he was called to bless the offering. Do you know what this experience did for him? The people gave him something more significant than what he had; they gave him trust; this simple act changed the man’s life. I know that this may not apply to every situation. It could be different, and people are different, so I want to encourage that. First of all, it starts with you regaining trust and building trust again for yourself, and then extending it to people.
It’s difficult to trust because of the experiences or things we may have had with others, so when we lack trust, it’s evidence of dwelling in the past. While we refuse to get back to trusting people, we may find it difficult to move on with life, preventing us from benefiting from the opportunities that may come with getting involved with people again.
Remember that we are all human, and we make mistakes. We fail in one way or the other.
I hope that these tips I have shared will help you to rebuild trust again in your relationships. Remember, it takes communication, forgiveness, connection, agreement, and being positive about people to rebuild trust again.
Martin Kalu
