When I hear the word spice, the first thing that comes to mind is “food,” know you add spices to food to give it a good taste. These spices can be in the form of ingredients; let’s say pepper, salt, and different spices to cook a delicious meal.
In the same way, you will need to be able to spice up your relationship. We must find ways to add flavor to our relationship so it can grow and flourish. One of the ways to spice up your relationship is to
Understand your spouse love languages
Gary Chapman wrote in his book “The 5 Love Languages, the secret to love that last” Gary Chapman wrote that the five languages are Words of Affirmation, Receiving Gifts, Quality time, Act of service, and Physical touch. Take the 5 love language quiz.
So, the truth is that each of us can speak one or more love languages, but then, it is up to you as a wife or a husband to discover what appeals to your spouse.
Receiving Gifts and Acts of Service
For me, I don’t really like gifts, it doesn’t excite me like most people, so when you think you can love me by gifting me, you may be wasting time. Now am not saying that I will not appreciate you if you give me gifts; oh no, but I would understand and appreciate your thoughts. However, when someone does an Act of service for me, like when my husband cooks, washes the dishes, and takes care of our kids, even though I could do them myself, he will be speaking my love language then. Also, my second love language is
Words of affirmation
Which lady will not like when their man tells them they are beautiful; they are the best in the world? When a husband appreciates her wife, it makes the woman feel secure and valued in that relationship.
Spending quality time with my spouse
We make a ritual to date every week before the Covid19 pandemic hits the world. I looked forward, especially to spend time outside the home, to talk and chat! My husband and I speak this language, making it easier for the two of us to get our emotional love tank full. The last love language Gary Chapman wrote about this in his book.
Most men speak this language, but some women talk about this language too. If you are married, it is crucial to know when your spouse needs to have intimacy with you. As I said, men are usually more drawn to this love language. So I make it a priority; well, I understand when my husband needs me to satisfy his love language of physical touch.
Effective communication is vital in a relationship, especially in marriage. Communication in marriage can be challenging to achieve because of our different backgrounds and ideologies. However, to add spice or spice up your relationship, learning to communicate effectively will help your relationship grow and flourish.
Things that can hinder effective communication in marriage
Since we want to communicate effectively, we are defeating effective communication if we cannot listen effectively (active listening). Listening is the bearing that holds the connection. When you pay attention to what your spouse is saying, it will help you know how to respond to them.
It is so easy to assume you already know what your spouse is about to say. Hence you are already thinking out your response instead of listening to what they are saying. It could be frustrating when someone else acts as if they know better what you are thinking (mind-reading)
Lack of interest or distraction.
Knowing that I can easily be distracted, which can affect how I listen to what people say, my husband has made it a habit to always call for my attention before he communicates with me. He knows it is challenging to repeat things repeatedly again.
How to achieve effective communication
Make out time to speak with your spouse: I know I could be distracted when my husband wants to have a conversation with me. Since I understand this, I make it a time to schedule the time to discuss it. This time I would have to give him my attention to the matter. When you set your time to talk, you need to remove any distractions that can make that communication ineffective. Turn off the television, electronics such as laptops and phones, and focus on the person you communicate with.
Be considerate in your speaking and speak with grace.
When you are speaking, be careful with your words. “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.” Ephesians 4:29
When speaking, be sure to acknowledge the other person’s emotions and feelings. Instead of using, for example, “you always do this,” you never change,” try saying something like “whenever you come back late from work, I feel like you do not care for the kids and me.”
Be honest about your feelings.
In a relationship, especially in marriage, disagreements are bound to happen, and most times, someone gets hurt. Be honest to express how you feel about a particular situation. Communicate clearly to your spouse and give them the chance to respond.
I am still learning to say my mind when I am hurt instead of bottling it up on the inside. I will say something like, “when you did this, I felt terrible. Then allow the other person to respond.
Find out a time to date.
During the dating and courting period, it is beautiful and exciting to date your spouse. During this period, you can’t wait to spend time with each other. But it seems like after the wedding, settling down, and having kids, the dating gradually stops. I understand because I have been there. You suddenly realize that you barely know what you do with your 24 hours a day. You are busy chasing life, but if you are to flourish and grow in your relationship, you need to make time to date your spouse.
When you find time to date your spouse, you are investing in your relationship. When you spend time with your spouse, you are sure to reap the reward of it. Set some time in the week to talk. Share your memories, talk about your marriage, talk about life, like the good old days. Getaway sometimes, without the kids, and have fun getting to know each other. I have found it very refreshing when my husband and I go for a gate away, sometimes, we are going to a nearby hotel for a couple of days, and usually, when we return, we can focus more on what matters.
Pray Together as a couple.
Praying together can strengthen the bond between the husband and wife. It can bring unity that can help spice up the relationship. It helps you know your spouse’s heart and needs, and when you pray together, you involve God in your relationship. No marriage will thrive without spiritual backing. So, when you pray together, you are putting God first and acknowledging him as the center and in charge of our lives.
The bible says that when we submit to God, resist the devil, and he will flee. James 4:7 So when we pray, we understand that there is one common enemy- the devil who roars like a lion always looking for whom to devour, 1 Peter 5:8 and he often disguises himself as an angel of light. 2 Corinthians 11:14 He comes to destroy. But Jesus comes to give us life and life more abundantly. John 10:10
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