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9 Obstacles to Building Intimacy in marriage

Intimacy in marriage requires love, time, and care. Intimacy can be watered like a plant – but to grow, this plant needs to be watered by both partners. It takes two to tango, they say.

Getting to know each other and building closeness sounds easy. But the reality is that humans are not perfect. As a result, the path to intimacy will have obstacles and roadblocks.

Some men have trouble building intimacy because they fear losing their sense of independence. On the other hand, some women can have difficulty with intimacy because they focus on fixing their partners rather than accepting them.

Obstacles like that can show up and stand in the way of true intimacy. So when you notice the blocks show up, remember why you started the relationship in the first place.

Remembering why you love your partner will help keep you going as you overcome these obstacles to building intimacy in marriage together.

Avoid or remove these obstacles:

Trapping yourself in routine:

Your relationship might reach a point where everything becomes routine. You find yourself at the same restaurants, repeating conversations, doing the same weekend activities. Unfortunately, getting trapped in that routine can plateau your intimacy level with your partner.

Surprise your partner with a date in a new location.

Choose a new hobby to pick up together.

Building walls: 

You might tend to shut down during an argument and stop communicating with your partner. If that happens, step away, take a break and return to the conversation later.

– Calmly let your partner know you need a break from the conversation.

– Take a 20-30-minute break.

Then, – Revisit the conversation with your partner.

Fear of intimacy:

A subconscious fear of intimacy can prevent you from getting closer to your partner. As a result, you might have difficulty communicating your needs or tend to sabotage the relationships you enter.

Identify where the fear is coming from. For example, are you scared of being hurt?

Set boundaries to feel safe.

Communicate your feelings.

Lack of time:

You might find yourself prioritizing other things above your relationship. For example, if you struggle with time, prioritize what you prioritize above the connection.

Schedule regular date nights and times to check in with your partner.

You cannot build true intimacy with secrets or dishonesty in a relationship:

Dishonesty might show up from a fear of the closeness and vulnerability that comes from honesty. If this is the case for you, keep in mind that honesty will bring you closer to your partner.

Be transparent with your feelings.

Create a safe space for both of you to share uncomfortable truths.

Aggression might indicate a lack of respect in the relationship:

Being aggressive, critical, or showing contempt is a flag you should take seriously.

Build a culture of appreciation. Go out of your way to let your partner know how much you appreciate them.

Lack of trust

Couples might have difficulty trusting because of something that happened in the past or their partner has done. It’s essential to address any lack of trust because intimacy is unobtainable without it.

One of the obstacles in intimacy is that sometimes we subconsciously try to control what happens in the relationship or how our partner feels. We must let go of our desire for control to experience true intimacy.

Maybe you want to avoid a topic that needs to be addressed or avoid having a difficult conversation. But unfortunately, it will be an obstacle to intimacy.

You might notice these obstacles are very human! They will pop up and occur naturally. Please do your best to be conscious of them and remove them from your relationship.

When you remove these obstacles and follow the exercises in this book, you can experience the love and joy possible from true, deep intimacy.

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