If you have been married for any length of time, You may agree with me that there is a vast difference between expectations and reality in marriage. Expectations rob one of their simple assignment. Let’s take, for instance, we may have been cultured that women are supposed to be responsible for the home. So you get married with an expectation that there are “wifey duties.” We cannot go into marriage with unrealistic expectations and expect that our marriage relationship will flourish.
We all want to have a healthy marriage. However, achieving a healthy marriage relationship takes intentionality, perseverance, and hard work. Here are some of the ways we can have a healthy marriage relationship with our spouse.
Relationship with God.
Having a personal relationship with God is the key to having a healthy marriage. When we know God, we ultimately understand who we are in Christ; it will help us have a mutual, satisfying relationship with our spouse.
Trust in each other.
A healthy relationship requires trust. If there is distrust or lack of it, the chances will lead to discord and tension in the relationship. Trust is vital to ensure that we have a healthy relationship. Trust is something a lot of people struggle with, for a lot of different reasons.
What does it mean to trust someone? Trust is confidence in the honesty or integrity of a person or thing. An example of trust is the belief that someone is truthful. Lack of trust in a relationship could be that the other person has given them reasons not to trust them. However, to achieve a healthy relationship, we need to restore trust in our relationships.
Effective communication requires active listening and efforts to ensure that you can communicate better. Without discussion and doing it effectively, it will be challenging to achieve a healthy marriage relationship. The goal should be to learn some tips and apply them every day to communicate with our spouse.
Sufficient conflict resolution
Conflicts are bound to arise in relationships, especially in marriage. However, how you handle it will determine the health of your relationship. One way you can resolve conflicts is to use the 3Ds – Decide, Discover, and Determine.
First, you decide from the beginning of the marriage that you will be at peace with your spouse no matter what. Unless you choose to make peace a high priority, you will always have reasons to fight back, get what you want, and or insist on our ways. In marriage, you learn to apologize when you do something wrong. Secondly, you and your spouse need to talk to discover the cause of the conflict.
This will help you get to the next part to deciding on how to resolve it. It is not enough to identify the problem, but there is a need to decide on the path. It could be to go for marriage counseling or meet with a pastor or resolve it together.
However, if the conflict has lingered, I suggest that the couple meets with a 3rd party, which they respect to resolve the issue. Once the couple decides, the couples need to determine that they will be at peace. Avoid conflicts at all possible. It is easier to know when battles are coming on and avoid them when the couple decides not to have disagreements.
Intimacy and emotional support
God created man and woman for intimacy. Husbands are supposed to enjoy their wives, and wives are supposed to enjoy their husbands. There are four types of intimacy/affection I would like to discuss.
1. Physical or emotional intimacy
This type of intimacy is where the couple can understand each other’s feelings. You know when your spouse is hurting and needs to be consoled. It is also a level where you get to understand each other through having sex, caressing, kissing, and expressing your emotions for one another. Sometimes words cannot say much, but feelings can.
2. Spiritual intimacy
This intimacy is the level of affection where you and your spouse can communicate on spiritual matters. Spiritual intimacy can not occur without a relationship with God. You need to realize that you are the pastors and co-pastors of your home. You need to continue to grow in your spiritual intimacy with God being in the center.
3. Social Intimacy
Social intimacy is the type of intimacy couples enjoy each other’s company. One of the purposes of marriage is for companionship. One way to build or have a healthy marriage relationship is to spend time with your spouse. Spending time together will enhance your social intimacy and help you achieve a healthy and successful marriage every couple desires.
4. Intellectual Intimacy
Intellectual intimacy is the level of intimacy at which you respect each other’s intellect, whether you appreciate it. When we need to understand our spouse as a gift and understand their knowledge on matters, the personalities play out. Find out what personality your spouse has, and it would help you understand why they act the way they do and make you better understand your spouse.
Our goal is to live at peace with all men and, of course, that includes our spouse. We need to make the home peaceful so that we can grow together in harmony and grace. Romans 12:18