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3 Keys to have an Extraordinary Marriage

Ever wondered what it takes to have a marriage made in heaven?.

An Extraordinary Marriage can occur when we understand the purpose of marriage. Marriage represents Christ and the church.

So that he may err, they came asking, “should a man be allowed to divorce his wife for just any reason?” Jesus replied. “Haven’t you read? From the beginning, God made them male and female”. This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united as one.

Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together. “Then why did Moses say in the law that a man could give his wife a written notice of divorce and send her away?” they asked. Jesus replied, “Moses permitted divorce only as a concession to your hard hearts, but it was not what God had originally intended. And I tell you this, whoever divorces his wife and marries someone else commits adultery—unless his wife has been unfaithful”.

‭‭Matthew‬ ‭19:3-9‬ ‭NLT‬‬
The Bible does not recommend divorce, except when a spouse has been unfaithful. Nevertheless, I have seen a family where the husband confessed after twenty-five years of marriage that he has been unfaithful to the wife. Did she divorce him? No, but she explained that it was the “hardest period” of her life. It was hard because she had to learn over and again how to forgive. She had to fight for her marriage.  Lysa Terkeurst explained that why she stayed was because she was given a chance.

During an interview with Christian Post, she encouraged couples to “Never doubt we serve a God who still does miracles,” she wrote. “In the middle of the work He did from the devastation in my marriage, nothing looked like I hoped, and everything felt impossible. I prayed a million suggestions to God that never came to be. And the number of tears shed in the process about leaked the life out of me.

“I want to encourage those walking through tough marriage situations to know that redemption is possible,” she continued. “Maybe it’s going to come in a different package than mine. Redemption and restoration don’t always hold hands, and that relationship may not be restored, but with God, redemption is always possible.” She says. 

 Lysa Terkeurst wrote a book about the struggle in her recent book, “Is Not supposed to be this way.” 

To have an extraordinary marriage, you have to be intentional.

You have to know who you are getting married to. You don’t expect to meet a guy at the club and expect him to become a pastor overnight. Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers: For what fellowship hath righteousness and unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness. 2 Corinthians 6:14 You have no part in them. If your intending spouse is unsaved, continuing in the relationship and hoping that he or she changes as soon as you’re married a nightmare. 

“Marriage does not change anyone.”

Marriage cannot change your spouse. This is one of the mistakes I have seen in women who think that their abusing, always drunk boyfriend will change once he puts the ring on the finger or finally says I do. Can I share a secret with you? Marriage is actually a place where you can see the worst in someone. I’m sure you didn’t see that coming!

Marriage will expose your secrets, your shame, and every sin that you are hiding. It wasn’t until I got married that I knew I was pretty bad at the way I responded to constructive criticism. It got worst that I will not speak to my husband for hours because he corrected my actions in his good heart. I was exposed; I defended myself every time I was criticized or told what to do. So, if you have the assumption that he will change when you get married, it is time to rethink. 

To have an extraordinary marriage, you need to know how to go on your knees (Prayer) 

Instead of complaining about what you don’t like in your marriage, it’s better to pray about it. When we work – we work when we pray – God works. Understanding that God is the beginning and the end, He was there from the creation of your marriage, is enough reason to give it back to him. Allow him to guide you. Pray that you will trust him with all your heart and do not rely on your own understanding.

God is always there. All he is asking of is that you ASK (Ask Seek Knock).

Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened. Matt 7:7.

You alone can control the thermostat in your home. You can make it hot or cold. The truth is that we can either be cold or hot. We can’t be lukewarm.

I know your deeds that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other! 16 So, because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth. 17 You say, ‘I am rich; I have acquired wealth and do not need a thing.’ But you do not realize that you are wretched, pitiful, poor, blind, and naked. Rev 3:15-17 

To have an extraordinary Marriage, you need to be willing to make sacrifices.

Sacrifice is only possible in an atmosphere of love. Just like Jesus gave (sacrificed) his life for us, we need to learn to sacrifice ourselves to our spouse. This is only possible when we know love. John 3:16 says that For God so loved the world that he gave his son Jesus to die for us. He loved, and then he gave. The Bible commands that the husband must love the wife just as God loves the church and gave up himself for her. So, we need to always be in the place of giving, in the place of placing our spouse’s needs above ours.

We need to always look for ways to serve and be a blessing to each other. In the end, marriage is meant to make us better than we were when we first got married. It is always a work in process, and it takes intentionality, prayer, and sacrifice, which will help you love, respect, and understand each other.

We are imperfect people in an imperfect world who serve a perfect God that loves us more than we can imagine. Do not let anyone rob you off from enjoying the beautiful things that come with marriage! He created marriage and made it beautiful. 

“Stop being Ordinary, choose to be Extraordinary” It takes a little extra (effort) to make it EXTRAORDINARY.

I would like to hear from you. What are some steps you are taking to be more intentional to have an extraordinary marriage? 


This Post Has 2 Comments

  1. Fremordi

    Word…..but I just feel like how do you forgive a cheating spouse and still live with them,without suspecting them or love on them to not fall into the same temptation?

  2. Chandy

    How do you forgive? You have to understand that we do not have the power to forgive, the Holy Spirit will help us to forgive. We are not perfect and it takes the grace of God to overcome. The only way is to continuously give them reasons not to go back to sin. Love unconditionally and give grace unconditionally. Don’t stop praying for and Praying with them.

    They erred and they confessed, don’t always remind them of the sin if possible . Encourage them always and see the positive things about them. Give them the opportunity to express their opinions without judgements. Give them chance to prove their confidence that they can stand and run with you without compromise.

    Praying for God grace in our relationships and marriages. Abundant life is on the other side of forgiveness.

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