How to Show Love to your spouse when You Speak Different [Love] Languages
Have you heard of the five love languages? They are based on a book by Gary Chapman, and the idea is that we all express love in one of five different ways.
On the flip side, we also appreciate how love is shown to us, even if it is different from our main love language.
It only makes sense that if you speak one language and your partner speaks a different one, issues can come up and we don’t feel appreciated and loved.
Let’s take a look at what the five love languages are, how you can determine what both your and your spouse’s love language is and what you can do with this new-found knowledge.
The Five Love Languages
The five love languages are gifts, quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service, and physical touch. Let’s look at each of them and an example of how you can express love in these languages.
Gifts are physical tokens of appreciation. They can, but don’t have to be expensive. Jewelry is the perfect example of expressing this particular love language. Go ahead and buy that pair of earrings for your spouse’s birthday, or grab some flowers and a cute stuffed animal for Valentine’s Day.
Here’ the best way to show you care is to spend quality time with your significant other. Go for a walk, have coffee and a chat at your local coffee shop, or start taking dance lessons together. Any way you can find to spend time together will work. This could even be driving to and from work together, talking about your day as you drive.
Words Of Affirmation
Words of affirmation may sound fancy, but it simply means telling your partner you care and giving compliments. Tell her she looks pretty in the new dress or that you love her new haircut. Tell your favorite guy that he’s rocking those jeans or how much you appreciate that he changed the oil in your car. Use your words to show your love.
Acts of Service
Acts of service mean you do something for your loved one to show you care. This could be a big gesture like painting the house while your wife is away for a few days, but it can also be the little things. Like making sure the coffee maker is all filled up and set to go in the morning or taking out the trash. Cooking a favorite meal is another wonderful act of service.
The last love language is physical touch. I’m sure you already guessed this is all about physical affection.
Hugs and kisses are the perfect way to show your love, but even simple acts like holding hands or putting your arm around your spouse as you walk around are the perfect public show of affection, and it won’t go unnoticed.
Your Love Language and Your Partner’s Love Language
As you read through the examples of the different love languages above, you probably recognized one or two that mean more than the others to you. Yes, you may like gifts, but quality time or physical affection may be a lot more meaningful to you.
Go back and read through them again with your partner in mind. How does he show affection? It can be an eye-opening experience if the two of you speak different love languages. If your language is words of affirmation and acts of service, you may be disappointed that he doesn’t tell you often how much he loves you or how cute you look. Instead, he may show his love by making sure your car has gas, and he gets up early to fix your coffee and eggs before you head into work.
Realizing that there are different ways to show love and affection helps us recognize how others show their love.
Expressing Love and Romance In The Right “Language”
From there, you can take it a step further. Adjust how you express love and romance to be more in line with your partner’s love language. If he’s all about acts of service, cook him a nice meal, or make sure the toys in the living room are picked up so the two of you can relax in the living room after the kids go to bed.
Give it a try and see if speaking several love languages and paying attention to how your partner wants and needs to be shown; affection doesn’t strengthen your relationship and marriage.